Last week, I was chatting with an intrepid woman making a difference in the lives of people around her. The choices she has made in her career have never come with a guarantee. She has had doubts and fears along the way and yet she continues to proceed forward, as if she has no other choice.
But, of course, there have always been other choices she could have made.
Less clear-cut ones, maybe.
Less fulfilling ones, possibly.
Less frightening ones, definitely.
When I asked whether she considers herself courageous, she said, “Not really. When I do things that seem courageous to other people, to me, it feels normal, like the next obvious step. Maybe it's a small stretch, maybe it's a little stressful, but it doesn't feel especially bold.”
This conversation made me think of many similar ones I've had recently. Like the one with a doctor friend of mine who decided to return to work after being out for 14 years to raise her kids. I know she doesn't think she's courageous, but I certainly do.
What is a small stretch for someone might be a giant leap for you, and vice-a-versa. This is why so many of us don’t see ourselves as courageous. But we are. And importantly, with that clarity, I believe we can more consistently activate our courageous mindset to help us overcome our current fears.
It’s impossible to talk about conquering your fear without talking about summoning your courage. I’m not talking about physical courage, but rather psychological courage. The courage that enables us to make choices that others around us marvel at.
That psychological courage defined as “your ability to define risks, identify and consider alternative actions and choose to act in the face of potential negative outcomes in an effort to obtain good for yourself or others, recognizing that the good may not occur.” O’Byrne, Lopez & Peterson 2000
As you reflect on your year and consider your dreams and ambitions for 2025, I'm regifting the below poem that I recieved yesterday from my dear friend Louise.
FEAR
by Kahlil Gibran
It is said that before entering the sea
a river trembles with fear.
She looks back at the path she has traveled,
from the peaks of the mountains,
the long winding road crossing forests and villages.
And in front of her,
she sees an ocean so vast,
that to enter
there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.
But there is no other way.
The river can not go back.
Nobody can go back.
To go back is impossible in existence.
The river needs to take the risk
of entering the ocean
because only then will fear disappear,
because that’s where the river will know
it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,
but of becoming the ocean.
At this time of year, I gift my coachees a tool to help them sift through their key insights to inform their goal and actions next year. If you'd like to give it a whirl, message me and I'll share it with you too.
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